it’s late

When I was a kid I thought adulthood meant I would get to eat french vanilla ice cream for dinner every night if I wanted and no one could tell me when to come home or how to dress or go to bed or that I couldn’t watch Roseanne or Married with Children. And adulthood does mean those things, but it also means not knowing what I’m doing and feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and very bored and forcing myself to go to work even when I’m depressed and sometimes sitting in my room alone and wondering how I managed to do nothing significant with myself and not feeling happy anywhere and not having any option but deal with it or die.