day three

there is so much in my head that i don’t know how to get it out. there is so much i want to say but don’t want to write. my forehead feels like bees swarming in a sock. millions of thoughts and nowhere for them to go. i try to get my feelings out and the words don’t come. i sleep for hours and am never not tired. it’s a strange thing to be consumed by emotions that you can’t identify and personally i don’t like it.for me writing is not particularly a thing i enjoy. it is mainly a way for me to let the sock loose, to let the bees out, before the buzzing drives me insane.

i don’t talk to people. i don’t ask for help, because those words can’t come out.

even now i am struggling to say that i don’t know what to say. relief doesn’t come until the sock opens and the bees fly away. so most days i am consumed by a hundred vibrating thoughts and work and family and friends and money and school and oklahoma and law and texas and baby and brother and love and solitude and there is never any peace, in any of it.